Falling in Place

The month of June quickly arrived and with it came even more hope, a trust that God would continue helping me through. My climb was making me stronger and stronger both mentally and physically. Although I may not have felt that way every day, I was having more days with that strong feeling. More days of getting out of the house and working on being myself. Quite honestly, this month reminded me of a quote I read in the book Sh*t Happens so Get Over It. (Thank you, Myrna!) Beverly Solomon says, “When life looks like it’s falling apart, it may just be falling in place.” For two years and one month, I never once had this thought, but something changed in the month of June. Something HUGE!

My mind was starting to fully accept the pain I still had. The burning inferno feeling that once plagued my left side was now more like a candle. (Anyone else just start singing Candle in the Wind?) Lightly burning while flickering every now and then to remind me the burning wasn’t totally gone. But it was tolerable. That, my friends, was huge. There were still things that brought on a higher level of burning, but I managed those as best I could.  If this journey has taught me anything, it’s how to read my body and know when to stop, take a break, and breath.

In spite of the dulled burning, I was still experiencing the ice cold to the bone pain in my foot/ankle. It just wasn’t letting up. The nerves in my foot were still sending my brain a signal of pain. As I began weaning out of my boot, the pain increased. This, of course, was partly due to muscle atrophy. My left leg/calf hadn’t had much exercise for two years. It wasn’t attractive and my calf felt like a candle in the wind blowing back and forth as I walked. Seriously, though. It was evident I hadn’t done anything for quite a while. The heating pad continued to be my best friend, along with a lot of ibuprofen and Tylenol. There were times I had to take a pain pill to relieve the pain. I did what I knew to do for physical therapy to strengthen my ankle, calf and leg. Once again, I was reminded it takes time to build back muscle and strength. Nevertheless, I had to see this all as progress. After all, I was feeling better than before my surgery at the end of March.

My next doctor’s appointment went as all appointments before. My scar looked amazing. (I bet you I’ll be a foot model by the time this is all over. UGH!) The doctor did, however, give me a series of cortisone shots in my ankle to help the scar tissue. The plan was for me to come back every six weeks for more cortisone shots. Believe it or not, the cortisone shot gave me just a little bit of relief for a week or so. (I’ll take that any day!)

As the month of June moved forward, I was feeling more and more positive, hopeful, and accepting of my pain. I updated my LinkedIn profile to include writer/blogger as I was feeling like I wanted to start looking for a purpose. A purpose other than wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. The CRPS may never fully go away, but I was feeling better than a year ago, so that’s something. A few weeks into June, I received an e-mail that literally changed my life. Someone I’ve known for years had contacted me through LinkedIn and wanted to speak to me. ME! I didn’t know what about, but it was exciting to get a message. My first thought was she wanted to say hello.  BUT…it was more than that. She wanted me to consider a job opportunity with her company. Say what???? The last two years of my life looked like it was falling apart, when actually God was just making it fall into place.

After a few interviews, I was offered a position as a BIST Consultant. Was this what God has had in the works for me for the past two years? Something deep down in my heart said YES! It is what God had in mind. It would be perfect. Years before I had spoken to her about this, but I was teaching and still had a lot to learn. Now, was just perfect timing. Although, I would have to learn how to manage my pain while working, I knew I was stronger now than ever before to handle it. For the first time in two years and two months, I felt my life was falling into place. And what an amazing feeling that was. Now I had one month to work on getting stronger physically so I could start my new position in July. (It feels amazing to say that!) My plan was to do everything in my power to let my pain know I was in charge. My invisible illness (CRPS) wasn’t going to win this time, at least I hoped not!