My decision to have surgery had been made. Although, I really wasn’t planning on having it within 24 hours! Funny thing is, I’ve known that about plans all my life. They change. All the time. Not sure why I was so shocked about it this time. I spent the night before surgery physically and mentally preparing. Leaning on God for strength and praying for wisdom and accuracy of the doctor. Thankfully, God blessed me with strength that morning because it ended up being a morning of confusion and doubt.
By the time we left for surgery, my emotions had taken over. I was scared. I was nervous. I was afraid. And, quite frankly, I was angry because I was still dealing with this after almost 2 years! When would I ever be able to say I don’t hurt? Maybe this surgery was just what I needed to get rid of the pain and be myself again? After checking in, the prepping process began. At that very moment, the confusion and doubt started setting in. The doctor and staff were confused, and I had serious doubt on my part.
Thankfully, God gave me an amazing nurse to help me through the confusion. (Thank you, Jesus!) Her name was Stephanie. Such an awesome name. The doctor’s notes said he was operating on my left calf to remove a nerve. (Ummm…I don’t think so!) His note also DID NOT mention any of my topical allergies. I’m allergic to every antiseptic there is. EVERY ONE OF THEM! The nurse wiped my wrist down and inserted the IV before I knew she didn’t have my allergy list. When I smelled the alcohol, I immediately asked her if she had my medical history. Apparently, she had what the doctor gave her. Lucky me, it didn’t have any correct information. (Sense the sarcasm?) As far as I’m concerned, nurses do not get the credit or money they deserve. Without this special lady, I would have had surgery on my calf and would have had a rash over my entire leg! She even knew what CRPS was! Score!
Doubt started filling my mind. Why wouldn’t it? I mean, seriously, if the plastic surgeon was going to cut me open in the wrong spot, I would prefer him to do it somewhere else! HA. This incredible nurse brought in the doctor, the anesthesiologist, their entire surgery team, and some sort of office manager. While in the small (I was feeling really claustrophobic!) curtained room, she sternly went over my allergies with ALL of them. She placed Post it Notes all over my body and my charts. She had the doctor look over the note about surgery of my calf and got clarification. He said something like, “Oops, I meant the ankle. I just saw her yesterday.” My doubt was increasing. Maybe I wasn’t supposed to be having this surgery so quickly.
I started feeling a sense of relief when the doctor put his initials on my ankle, and the team developed a plan for me. (I guess they call me high maintenance for a reason!!) As I was being wheeled off to the surgery room, there was still a little bit of doubt in my mind. Was the medical staff going to be confused about my situation? Was the surgery and recovery going to go as planned? The next thing I knew, I was being put under for the surgery to begin. I know I don’t remember anything during the surgery, but at least I wasn’t hurting or doubting anymore. However, when I woke up, I was once again reminded about plans and how they change. All the time. Now I was the one confused. And it wasn’t because of the anesthetic! (Well, maybe just a little bit.)
Inside Invisible Illness 