Moving Forward

2018 had arrived, and I was still working on me, myself, and I.  In the back of my mind, I knew it was going to be my year.  For what it’s worth, I was having a hard time bringing that information to the front of my mind.  It’s easy to think like that, but it’s not always easy to believe it.  When I first heard the song above, I was having a hard time emotionally. (Say what?  Seriously, though, this has been a long journey!)  I was frustrated, down, and was feeling extremely guilty for different things.  I had been working hard at being still and knowing that God had control.  Although I think we all know, that is easier said than done.

Then, this song came on.  It was if God was sending me a message.  I listened to it over and over and over again.  The words resonated with me deeply. They expressed so much of what I was feeling at the time. The past 20 months had been filled with pain, doctors’ appointments, anticipation, worry, fear and wondering. I had learned to take one day at a time and was patiently waiting to find out what God’s plan was for me.  I was overly anxious to find out where my journey was going to take me and when my pain was going to go away.  As I sat in silence during the day, I waited for a sign of what I needed to do to help me continue getting through.  I needed help seeing the big picture.  Would I finally start feeling better?  Did I need to see a different doctor?  Did I need to fight for something else?  Did I need to stay patient?

During the first week in January, I met with the pain doctor again.  We talked about my pain level, symptoms, and treatment plan.  I truly believe this doctor wanted nothing more than to make me better. (I don’t think he enjoyed me crying at some of my appointments, though.  For crying out loud.  LOL) Nonetheless, he was doing what he could to help me by researching and finding different ways to treat CRPS.  He recommended I have three more sympathetic nerve blocks including the one he gave me at this appointment. He went on to recommend something else.  Something I had been praying for since learning about it.  I knew right then and there God was showing me the way.  He was helping me move forward.

I realized I’d have to wait for his recommendation to be approved, but I was hopeful.  That, my friends, is the best feeling EVER!  Although I still didn’t know if this recommendation would be the “cure all” for my pain, I was excited to give it a try.  After the appointment, I went home and waited.  Even though I still had the feelings listed above, the excitement and hope were enough to help me through.  The next hours, days, and week crept by at a snail’s pace. Every hour of every day moved by slowly as I waited and wondered if I would get a call saying the recommendation was approved.

If you haven’t already done so, be sure to check out the song.  I love it!!