You may recall this quote by Jesse Jackson from an earlier post. “If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.” Given that the, “if you fall behind, run faster,” part didn’t work out so well for me, I decided to focus on the second part. If I was patient with my recovery from tendon surgery, worked hard at physical therapy, and kept thinking positively, surely I would have no problems with returning to school in the fall. I wasn’t going to give up or surrender; I wanted to rise up and move forward.
As summer days crept along, I spent a lot of time getting things ready for my new classroom at school. The plan was for me to start in a different building teaching 4th grade. I was excited and looked at this change as a new opportunity to teach a different grade level as well as to meet and learn from new teachers. With Steve’s help (and Sammi’s Uber service), I put together new palm trees, organized students books, started filling out my planner, read through reading and writing curriculum, and prepared for 4th grade math. (That may not sound hard, but I wanted to make sure I was ready in case any “funny” math was thrown my way. LOL) The funny thing is I totally read and worked through the wrong math book. Oh well, it never hurts to grow your brain anyway!
Having the summer to prepare was wonderful. I worked at my own pace which meant some days and/or weeks, nothing got done because of pain. Nonetheless, I felt I was prepared to start the year. Being honest with myself was critical. I knew there could be a chance that higher pain levels would return when school started, so I made sure to have lesson plans ready. After all, it had been a long, long time since I’d worked an entire day. My body may very well need to come home every night and crash. And let’s face it, a teacher’s job doesn’t always get done during school hours.
As the start of the school year inched closer, my excitement increased. This was actually happening. Luckily, I was able to work in my classroom a few hours at a time. My entire family had a part in helping me get my room ready. I thank God for them every single day. We’d work a few hours here. A few hours there. They worked incredibly hard to help me get things in order and to be prepared for the first day of school.
The good news was my tendon was healing the way it was supposed to heal. Although the incision pain was going away, the burning and ice cold deep ache was still there. Unfortunately, the surgery hadn’t taken that away; that’s the bad news. I was still wearing a boot at the start of the school year. (Attractive, I know!) Regardless of how ridiculous I looked in it, I felt a sense of security knowing people could actually see something was wrong with me. Getting to know the new staff was amazing, and having a great friend at the new school was comforting.
During the first three days of back to school meetings, I worked hard to listen and learn. It felt like I’d been away from teaching for years. At times, my brain would fog up, I’d get focused on my pain, and have to lay down or go home. Nonetheless, I did what I could to manage the pain while there. My excitement kept me going and after meeting my new students, I just knew going back to school was going to work. To be fully transparent, though, the back of my mind was worried about the pain I was in and how I would handle it. But as Jesse Jackson says, “Don’t give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.” I was determined to do just that.
The school year started, and the first several days with students went by in a blur. Walking, sitting, and stress were increasing my burning and pain. Just as the year before, once I arrived home, I took meds and didn’t move much. While at school, I did my best to put on a happy face thinking I could work through the pain without others knowing. Ha… That was wishful thinking. Once again, my students were absolutely amazing. Kind, helpful, patient, and understanding. Although I wasn’t feeling well, being back in the classroom was absolutely amazing. I wasn’t about to give up and give in to the pain that seemed to be controlling me.
By the end of the week, I was thankful I’d made it to the weekend. My next doctor’s appointment was the following week, so I wanted to make sure I was relaxed and ready for the questions that would be asked. My mind knew I was hurting and struggling. My heart knew I was happy to be at school. Why is it that my mind and heart never ever agree on anything? Then again, I guess the one thing they did agree on was they seldom liked what the doctor had to say at each appointment. Come to think of it, neither did I!
Inside Invisible Illness 