Cue Gloria Gaynor’s song “I Will Survive.” At first I was afraid. I was terrified. Kept thinking I don’t want surgery on my CRPS side. But then I spent so many nights preparing for this day. And it was May. And I just wanted to get away. And so here I go… Just a little ditty to get this post started.
Surgery day arrived. Almost exactly one year after I fell. I’d taken all the time I needed to mentally prepare and be ready for what surgery could bring. Success or not. I was nervous. Scared. Afraid. Prior to this day, I had mentally made the decision to return to school in the fall. The doctor suggested my recovery would be anywhere from 12 – 14 weeks which would bring me right up to the start of school. I was hopeful on that end; however, the thought of someone cutting into my foot was still hard to even think about. Hopefully, repairing my torn tendon would end my nerve/CRPS pain. Keeping my thoughts positive was arduous. But that helped me make it to and through surgery day.
I could go into a detailed description of what happened during the surgery, although I’m not sure if anyone would believe me. I was out like a light and have no memory of anything until I finally came to and the nurse asked if I wanted ice chips. (Well, of course!) Apparently, when you don’t drink or misuse drugs, you are more affected by anesthetic. It took me quite a while to come out of it and get wheeled to the car. Once home, I settled into my “daily” retreat. I hadn’t missed it. It felt like déjà vu as last summer I laid in the same spot with the same foot propped up on the same pillows. This time the ceiling fan was clean!!
Surgery went well. The tendon tear was much larger than the doctor anticipated. It was actually two inches long! (Check out the picture of the incision. ۩ Yikes!) The first few days of recovery were just as expected. I kept up with my pain meds and was feeling positive. Then the third day came and YOWZA. That was the day I actually realized this surgery was no joke! I had developed a serious rash all the way up my leg. Not only was my foot hurting from the incision, the red, raised rash on my leg was extremely itchy! And it looked horrible. Come to find out, I was reacting to the Chloraprep the anesthesiologist put on me. Guess he forgot to look at my allergy list. Not even joking!
During the next few weeks, I worked on getting to know my crutches again. I was not excited about that! I could tell they missed me, though. 😉 With each doctor’s appointment, I was given more hope that my tendon would be healed before the first day of school. My other pain; however, was still there. It hadn’t gone away. The difference between incision pain, burning pain, and ice cold ache pain was noticeable. I would choose incision pain any day. Not to mention, the incision, my crutches and boot were all visible signs I was hurt. As absurd as it sounds, that was comforting. I no longer had to worry about judging eyes since people could see my injury. What a relief that was.
Within two weeks, I started physical therapy. Once again, the staff at Serc of GV was amazing in helping me get stronger and stronger while also understanding and treating my other pain. I continued having good and bad days. Some days were filled with high pain and sadness. While others were filled with hope and joy. After several doctor’s appointments, I decided to make my hopes of returning to school in the fall official. That was exciting. I knew I could start preparing and work on keeping my mind occupied and not thinking of the pain.
It was great having Sammi home to help Uber me around and keep me company. Trust me on this. When you have someone around most of the time, being at home in pain is much less depressing! I was hopeful that if I worked hard enough to strengthen my tendon, the other pain would go away. The thought of going back to school and teaching again kept me excited. It was my prize; the one I’d been trying to earn for so long. As the summer went on, I focused more on my good days and did my best to keep a positive attitude. I did everything I could to heal and be ready for the new school year.
Tendons heal. CRPS doesn’t and wishing it away doesn’t work either. Nonetheless, I continued to take care of myself and pray. Leaning on God to get me through. Only He knew what was yet to come. With this in mind, I continued grasping onto the hope that returning to school was in His plan. Regardless, I knew I would survive!
Inside Invisible Illness 