Can You Say Excited?

The night before my first two hour day was long.  I couldn’t contain my excitement.  Most of the night was filled with tossing, turning, and anticipation of what the next day would bring. Sleep didn’t come easy because of this excitement and my pain level.  But that didn’t matter because I was going back to school in the morning.  I decided that being at school for two hours a day would be perfect to help me get back into the swing of things.  My mind whipped back and forth between worry (Would the kids even remember me?) and comfort (I was going back to my island!). It had been a long time since I’d socialized, felt a sense of purpose, and left the house every day. Surely having those things back would be what I needed to start feeling better and more like myself.

Morning finally arrived. I’d made it through the night and was ready to take on the day.  Learning Island here I come!  I’d never been more excited to “get ready” for school. I was even excited about fixing my hair and putting “normal” clothes on.  This might be shocking to some of you, but I actually put on makeup!  Makeup!!  My days of wearing a hat and sweats were going to be behind me.  (See, I was thinking positively!) Although tired and in pain, this was going to be an amazing day.  I had my ibuprofen, Tylenol and other strategies ready; I hoped my class would be ready for me.

As I pulled up to the school, my body was overwhelmed with emotions.  This was actually happening.  I was feeling like a human again.  Tears of joy filled my eyes as I reminded myself how blessed I was.  Administration and coworkers were great with helping me transition back into the classroom. Quite honestly, it was an incredibly smooth first few weeks. I was lucky enough to work my two hours in the morning which, for the most part, was when my pain level was lower.  I lit up when I saw my friends saying hello.  The moment I saw my students’ faces and their smiles, I couldn’t help but light up even more. My relentless smiling had my face burning with happiness.  You know the feeling when you are overcome with joyful emotions?  That’s what it felt like.  Plus, my students remembered me.  🙂  That would make anyone smile!

Throughout the morning while in the hall and classroom, I heard kids say things like: “That’s the teacher who got tripped during a kickball game.  I know who tripped you. I bet you’ll never play kickball again.  (They got that right!) You don’t have a broken leg anymore? Mrs. Griesinger, I thought you left forever. Why haven’t you been at school? Yay, you’re finally back!”  I loved their enthusiasm and their thinking.   By the way, no one actually tripped me; I fell on my own.  But it makes the story sound better, right?  😉 The kids were innocent.  They had no idea what I’d been through or what I was experiencing now.  After all, by this time I had an invisible illness.  They couldn’t see the CRPS or my torn tendon. If it’s hard for adults to see past that, just think how hard it is for kids!

Once settled, I shared how I was feeling and reminded students about some of my triggers.  Noises, weather, sitting too long, standing too long, etc.  They were absolutely incredible.  They knew my foot felt best propped on a crate when I was sitting and each time I’d sit down, one would rush to bring one to me.  What an amazing feeling it was to be back on our island and in the school with my peers.  Settling in during the first few weeks was easy.  Some days my pain level was higher than others, but a plan was in place in the event I needed to lay down and try to ease the pain.

I was still going to physical therapy three times a week.  Some days I would come home with extremely intense pain while other days it would be more manageable. I wasn’t “in charge” of the classroom at this point, so my stress level was manageable.  Administration was great with allowing me breaks as needed and slowly transitioning me into my teacher role.  Aside from the pain, the first several weeks went great.  I was trying my hardest to keep my mind focused on the positive.  Being at school lifted my spirits and although it didn’t eliminate my pain, I was feeling better emotionally.  I knew my next doctor appointment was coming soon, so I was anxious to find out what he would to say.  As always, that brought on stress and sent my mind to the dark side.  But this time, I knew I’d be ready for his report because I was back at school where I thought I should be!