After seeing five different doctors and trying several different types of meds, I finally had what I’d been searching for all summer. A diagnosis. At that time, I wasn’t even sure what it meant, but it was something. By the looks of the description, I had exactly what the doctor said. For those of you who love the sitcom Friends, you’ll understand when I say I was starting to feel like Ross Geller. (Season 3, Episode 23, “The One with Ross’s Thing.”) I had a thing and now after seeing 5 doctors, I knew what it was. (Can you tell I’ve had a lot of time to watch Netflix?) J It was time to move forward and hopefully start to feel better. I was trying to prepare for my return to school. But by now, the burning had taken over my entire left side. Moving from my foot, to my leg, to my arm and eventually to my face, at times. I felt like a volcano getting ready to erupt with burning moving slowly upward through my body. Hoping it would eventually explode and burn out. The sensitivity in my foot/leg made it hard to sleep. With each toss and turn, slight touch of the sheet, I burned. Again, like a volcano waiting to erupt.
The good thing about breaking my leg in May was I thought I would have the summer to heal and be ready to go back to school in August. (Remember, that was my plan.) Seriously though, as a teacher, this was the best time to have a baby, go on vacation, break a leg, etc. It meant no sub plans needed to be written and no stress or worry about school. Typically around a 12 week break to regroup, recharge, and relax. A broken leg would be healed by then. But I was hit with a curve ball. I had developed CRPS and it didn’t show signs of going away anytime soon.
In the back of my mind, I was stressed, anxious. (Actually all throughout my mind: forefront, sides, back!) It was getting closer and closer to school starting. The doctor didn’t seem as concerned as I was, though. From August 1st to August 9th, I had 3 sympathetic nerve blocks. These blocks were supposed to calm down my nerves and provide me with a little bit of relief. In addition to the nerve blocks, I was using different types of meds to help cope with the burning and pain. Even though they never took the pain totally away, I could bear the pain for a few hours. With the help of my family (they are ah-mazing), I was able to get my classroom ready. (Unpacking books, cleaning out cabinets, setting up desks, hanging up anchor charts/posters, etc.) There was no way I was going to get on a desk and hang something, which as a teacher, you do quite often. I did the absolute minimum while my family worked hard to make my classroom the island I wanted it to be. It looked tropical, wonderful.
Then it was time. Time for teachers to start back to work. Once again, I convinced my mind that I could do it. I could be the same teacher, person that I’ve always been. Even though I hadn’t been all summer. My energy levels were down, the meds made me feel different, my brain was foggy, and I just wasn’t the same. But as I always do, I put on a happy face because I love what I do. I was excited to be back in my classroom. Each day I woke up, I would look in the mirror, tired, burning, hurting and remind myself I could do it. Sometimes crying. Sometimes sobbing. I convinced myself to suck it up and deal with it. At least that’s what I was told to do. It was exhausting, but I did what I needed when I needed to. I was able to lay down, rest, and desensitize several times throughout the day. I was incredibly thankful for that. The hardest part was admitting I needed to do those things. How would that work when the students started?
My mom has always told me God won’t give me more than I can handle. And if He does, He’ll give me the strength and knowledge to show me how to handle it. Trust in Him. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. (Very wise words, Mom!) I was grasping on those words. I needed strength, knowledge and hope more than ever before. In spite of those things, I was incredibly excited to get back to my classroom and meet my new students. I hoped it would be enough to help me move past the pain and send the volcano into eruption.
Inside Invisible Illness 